Outta here!
by emjai and oregano
Summary: A pregnant hitchiker, a grunting teen, a kind hardware salesman.. what does that spell? ... (well we dunno cos it doesn't have distinct letters...but if it did) -OUTTA HERE! Emjai and Oregano join forces once agian to bring you this. It's askew in terms
1. Airguitar And Altruistic Danes'

"OOOOOOOOH! TIME! TIME! TIME! TIME!"__
    
    Cars sped past the girl walking along the kerb. 
    
    With a constant thumb in the air, she danced down the highway – singing to the radio.
    
    _Time…see what's become of me…While I looked around for my possibilities._
    
    _I was so hard to please._
    
    Lorelai did a slow spin, her backpack flying through the sky.
    
    _oooooooooooooooooooo_
    
    _Look around_
    
    _leaves are brown_
    
    _And the sky is a hazy shade of winter._
    
    She paused and looked up at the sky
    
    _Ok, so maybe not WINTER winter… more like… goddamn middle of summer winter…_
    
    _But either way!_
    
    She joined in with the band, strumming on her air guitar.
    
    _I'm so going to be, like, the BEST GUITARIST EVER! _
    
    _I'll be so great that the go-go's will specifically request me, ME ME ME MEEEEEEE, to be their … _
    
    She looked at her hands, curled in their positions.
    
    _Ok, now, am I playing lead or bass guitar here?_
    
    _Let's ask baby…_
    
    _"_wakey, wakey baby…"
    
    She patted her swollen stomach, and the baby kicked.
    
    _Oh, we are sooooooooo connected!_
    
    She sat on the nearest clearing and bent her head down, her hands remaining on her bump.
    
    "so, doll, here's the issue. Do I play lead or bass?" 
    
    There was no response.
    
    "ok, I'll make this easier. Do you want me to play lead?"
    
    Still no response.
    
    "you want me to play bass?"
    
    The baby kicked.
    
    _Well, naturally! Bass players are totally cool! Hey, maybe I can get a totally new look to go with it! I'll cut my hair so it'll be like… _
    
    The baby made a violent motion inside her, making her cringe.
    
    _Ooook, so I'll keep my long hair – no need to get mad!_
    
    Lorelai stood up and made her way back to the kerb, sticking out her thumb and  holding out her sign.
    
    _Well, every hitchhiker has to have a sign! So what if it doesn't have a destination!_
    
    She looks down at it, the words painted on in lipstick -
    
    "GET ME AWAY FROM HERE!!!!"
    
    _I don't think I could have been more descriptive! Perfect._
    
    _Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit's got to beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.._
    
    _.._
    
    _…_
    
    _peeeeeeeeeeeeerrrfect!_
    
    _Man I could really go for some coffee right now. _
    
    She leaned against a roadsign and thrusted out her hand.
    
    _Surely somebody will take me… soon. _
    
    _I'm down to my last cookie!_
    
    _God damn it. This running away business is so much easier in the movies!_
    
    _Why can't I be like molly ringwald!!_

A blue truck flicked it's indicator on and crawled up beside her. 

_KACHING!!! WE HAVE A WINNER, LADLES AND JELLY SPOONS!_

She grinned and marched up to the window. It rolled down to show a young man  staring at her dubiously. Her smile faltered,

Ok, so maybe this isn't going to be as easy as I thought… 

She nodded at his feet, "nice high tops!"

He raised an eyebrow at her and leaned back in his seat, where a kind looking man smiled back at her.

Finally, someone who'll give me a break – hell this guy has smiled at me more than my parents have done in my entire lifetime and I've known him how long?

_18…19…20 seconds? And counting?_

She put her hands on the door and bobbed her head down,

"hey, mister! My names lorelai and I could really use a ride – in fact I could really use a place to stay, but if you're a stalker or something I don't think I'd really wanna stay with you, that is unless you have great coffee- because then I'll pretty much stay on top of your kitchen counter for the rest of my life and, you know, never move out!" 

The boy in the passenger seat grunted, but the driver smiled,

"lorelai, if you want to you can get in the car and … we'll see how we go. I can't promise everything because I have a wife and another child besides this chuckle head," he playfully pushed the boys baseball cap off his head, "but the least we could do is drive you to stars hollow and give you a good nights sleep."

Oooh I love this man. I want to have his baby. 

_Ok, I mean after this one. _

_Actually… forget I said anything._

"thank you soooo much, sir" 

"Call me William. William danes, and it's quite alright, I wouldn't have you out here by yourself in," He nodded at her stomach, "your condition. Besides it was Luke's idea that we pick you up –"

His son interrupted him, "Dad!" Luke's eyes became wider and he smiled apologetically to Lorelai. 

Defensive.. but.. kinda cute…hmmm 

"well, thank you so much lukey!"

luke frowned, "it's luke."

"awwwwwwww," she pouted," but lukey sounds so much cuter!"

He rolled his eyes, got out of the car and helped manouver her into the front seat, "I'll sit in the back."

She grinned at him, "thanks lukey!"

He grunted and slammed the door on her.

Well he's just a walking contradiction. Goes around slamming doors and grunting and he has the whole rolling eyes thing down pat… but he told his dad to pick up a random pregnant girl off the street – the highway no less…

_Interesting._

_Verrrry interesting…_


	2. Bananas And Ballroom Dancing

OUTTA HERE

Oregano: Hi people!  Sorry for the long wait!  I'm glad you liked the first chapter (as if I wrote that piece of literary genius)!  I hope you like this one as well.  Thank you!

emjai - hey y'all! thanks for all the luvvvverly reviews about my chappie - truthfully they made me feel all melted marshmellow-ey inside..ooo marshmellows! anyway here is another dahhhhh-link (dahlink not dalek) of a chapter by the deeeelightful oregano .. gee i string out vowel sounds alot... wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Luke scowled in his bed as his thoughts floated towards the girl occupying Liz's bed that night.  She was pretty, but not _that_ pretty.  

Like it mattered, anyway.

_So she looks like Elizabeth Taylor in a way. _

_Natalie Wood was so much hotter. _

_ Right._

_And I look like Sally Jesse._

With a growl, he heaved himself off the bed and trudged out towards the kitchen.  He took out a glass and opened the fridge to get some milk.

"Growing young boy?  Aren't you past puberty yet?" a voice suddenly said, scaring the bejesus out of him.

"AUGH!" Luke yelped, clutching his heart.

_Oh, God.  I think my heart stopped working._

"What… uh, what are you doing still up?" he asked as his heart returned to normal.

"I couldn't sleep," she replied.  Then she pointed to her stomach, "this guy wouldn't give me any."

Luke's eyes traveled down to the direction of her index finger.

_Right._

"Do you want anything?" he said softly, not knowing what to say.

"I'd kill for some coffee."

"I don't think that's a good idea, with you being…" he gestured to his own stomach in a spherical way.

Lorelai looked down and frowned, "You're right," she said.  "Wait 'till this sucker comes out; I'll be drinking coffee by the gallon every day."

Luke made a face at that retort. 

"What?" she asked when she saw him prune up.

"Coffee in that huge amount is just like eating red meat by the truckload.  Ugh."

"Mmm, burgers."

_Oh, gross.  I can feel my arteries clog just hearing about all this._

"Hey, Luke, would you happen to have any ice cream?"

"Yes."

"Bananas?"

"Yes."

"Ketchup?"

"Yes."  Luke thought for a moment.  "_Ew."_

"I'm pregnant, shut up."

_I will never understand girls.  Ever._

Luke furrowed his brows and gathered the stuff around the kitchen.  He accidentally brushed against Lorelai which made her tip over with her weight.

When he turned to catch her, her leg inadvertently kicked up, making them look like a pair of ballroom dancers doing a dip.

With his face so close to Lorelai, Luke suddenly felt nervous.  Then he heard a small snort come from her.  Luke couldn't help but grin.

"Do you want to watch some TV?" he asked as he pulled her back up to a standing position.

Lorelai gave him a sly smirk and nodded.  She took the bananas, three heaping scoops of ice cream, and the bottle of Heinz's ketchup, then ventured out towards the living room, leaving Luke with an amused grin and a dripping spoon of ice cream.

***

Luke woke up the next day, on the couch with his arm protectively around Lorelai and his foot propped up comfortably on the coffee table.

_This was nice._

Then he saw his father's laughing gaze focus on him as he came out of the kitchen with a cup of coffee.

"Morning, Luke."

_Damn.  I can just SEE him laughing his head off at this._

"Dad…"

His old eyes twinkled, "Oh, no need to explain, my boy.  Just remember, she's sixteen, and you have—"

He was cut off as Lorelai slowly groaned awake, pushing herself deeper into Luke's embrace.

_Oh, man._

"You have to go to school, Luke.  And I have to get to work." his dad said.  Then they both glanced at Lorelai, who was twirling circles on Luke's chest as she slept.

"What do we do with her?"

***

"What?  Of _course, it's all right to leave her with us!" Mrs. St. James exclaimed happily as she led the three of them into the house._

"Sookie will be home in a while, so it's no problem."

"Thanks so much for doing this, Lucy," Mr. Danes said gently.

"Yeah, Mrs. St. James, we'll owe you a lot for this," Luke said with a brusque nod.

"Sure, just ship me off like I'm in some barter trade.  I'm totally fine with being a piece of fish.  No problem at all," Lorelai said in a slightly hurt tone.

"Now, Lorelai, don't look at it like that.  We need to work," Mr. Danes gave Luke a slight nod, "and study.  We're just doing this for you.  Sookie's a… ah…" he trailed off, not really knowing how to describe Sookie St. James.

"She's a cheerful girl, Lorelai.  You'll get along so well," Mrs. St. James clasped her hands and smiled.

***

"Dad, I'm kind of worried about her…" Luke suddenly said while he drove his dad to the store.

"Why?"

"Well, Sookie's the number one patient in the local ER.  They have pictures of her on their bulletin board from the last time she fell off her tree house.  She's in their fire hazard brochure."

"Lorelai will be fine."

"And she's pregnant, too."

"Lorelai can handle it."

"Dad…"

"Luke, she's going to be fine."

They reached William's Hardware after a while.  William Danes raised his eyebrows at his son and smiled.

"I'll see you after school, Luke."

_Okay, I just left a pregnant girl in the clutches of a walking biohazard, I'm late for school, and my dad's giving me the "I know something you don't know" look like he was seven._

_This is creepy, to say the least._

"I'll be here at three.  Don't touch the paint buckets.  I'll move them for you later, okay?"

The old man nodded and got out of the car.  But before he closed the door, he said, "Say hi to Rachael for me," and shut the door on Luke's surprised face.

_Oh, my good Lord.  Rachael.  The love of my life.  Rachael._

Luke waited for his dad to enter the store before letting out a long string of curses at himself for forgetting all about his girlfriend.


	3. Counterfeit fruit and Casualty Cases

OUTTA HERE

Chapter 3: Counterfeit fruit and Casualty Cases

A/n: Oregano-Heloo, my lovelies... Emjai's just like a lightning bolt with the updates!  Unlike, herm.. uh.. *coughs and looks away* Glad people liked it!  Thanks for the reviews!

Emjai – well, last chapter was lovely!! I use lovely too much I think… oh well! Lovely jubbly! By the way in answer to your questions: lorelai is 16 (pregnant at 16) so luke is 17/18.. a senior in high school. Okidoki? Well. I aint got no more to say to y'all.. so catchya later, hope you enjoy it! :D

I don't understand plastic fruit.

Lorelai sat on the green and brown paisley lounge in the St.James living room, staring at the wooden bowl  that rested on the coffee table.

_I mean, seriously, what's the point? Why not just buy REAL fruit? Surely if you bought plastic fruit it just becomes a huge mess? It's so misleading!_

She leaned forward and picked up a synthetic pear.

_You look at a bowl and you think 'gee whiz that fruit looks so fresh! So tasty! Did you ever see such shiny pears! Mmmm, pears…' and you lean forward and sink your teeth in only to find that they don't. _

_Sink in, that is. . . the teeth… they.._

_Ah forget it._

She turned the piece of 'fruit' over in her hands.

I wonder what they taste like? Do they flavour the plastic? Cause that'd be really cool! It'd be like that flavoured wall paper in willy wonka! 

_If you needed a fix of pear but you didn't wanna actually digest, just lick the plastic!_

She poked out the tip of her touge and touched it to the pear.

Hmm not bad. A bit stale.But on the whole… not bad. 

She stared at the fruit.

Ah, what the hey.

She opened her mouth wide and took a tentative bite.

Juice flowed into her mouth and she tasted the sweetness of the pear.

She gasped,

"Holy hell! They become real when you eat them!" 

She heard a giggle behind her,

"well, you'd hope so! What's the point in having fake fruit in the first place!"

Lorelai giggled too, craning her neck so she could see behind her, 

"that's exactly what _I_ thought!"

She turned fully to see a short girl with strawberry blonde pigtails, hovering in the door frame with a giant grin.

Lorelai smiled to herself.

_Wow, that's gotta be a million watt smile – somebody get my sunglasses!_

She heaved herself up off the sofa and lifted up her hand in a frozen wave,

"hey, I'm lorelai!"

The girls smile brightened as she repeatedly nodded her head,

Hmmm she looks sorta like those car toys that bob their heads… on some form of LSD.

"yup, yup, yup! I'm sookie, you're staying at the dane's place, right? That's so great! They are just so nice! All of them! Nice nice nice! They're the best!" 

She moved quickly forward, walking straight into the door door frame. She giggled, rubbed her arm where she'd knocked it and stepped around the door,   
"I heard they picked you up off the highway! Luke said something about you running away? That's so cool! I would never have the courage do actually leave! Not that I'd want to leave, my mom makes the best darn meatloaf this side of stars hollow! Not that stars hollow is that big, it's actually quite small- as you would have noticed," she laughed, accidentally bumping the lamp stand. She uprighted the falled lamp and moved closer, " So! Where did you come from? What is your family like?" she gasped, "oops, I probably shouldn't ask that! You did run away after all! Is it true that you're pregnant?" 

Lorelai stared at the girl in mystified awe.

woah there stella, take a breath. She talks almost as much as I do! Yay, somebody will be able to keep up! SCORE!

"well, I'd certainly hope so! I'd hate to be this bloated after a meal, I wouldn't be be able to eat again for ages… a whole two minutes or so!" Both girls laughed, Sookie sat down on the couch, yelped, then removed her mothers sewing kit from underneath her, "sit back down, there's no need to stand on ceremony here!"

no wonder luke was wary about leaving me here, this girls a caution in her own right!

Lorelai raised an eyebrow and nodded slowly, "sure!" She lowered herself back down onto the cushions, "uh, are you ok?"

Sookie cocked her head to the side, "me? Yeah! I'm great! Why would I not be ok? I should be asking you that! Are you alright? Are there enough cushions to support you? I don't know much about pregnancy but if you have any problems I'd be totally there to help!"

"well, I don't know all that much about it either, but hey! We'll learn as we go!"

Sookie looked thoughtful, "I suppose that's a good motto 'learn as we go'… mom always says to me 'watch where you go' – that's about the same thing, isn't it?"

"ah yes, that's the way," lorelai grinned, "watch and learn, my friend, watch and learn."

Aside from being mayor of casualty city, she's nice. 

At least I'll have a friend here… aside from lukey of course.

Speaking of which…

She picked up her pear and took another bite, "so, tell me about the danes family. I've only been living there about a day and I'd like to think that they aren't a bunch of stalkers, hitmen or homocidal rapists!"

Sookies eyebrows shot up, "oh no! nothing like that! Nobody in stars hollow is ever like that! Taylor would throw them out of the town – well, maybe not throw them out, but he'd certainly seriously encourage them to leave!" she giggled again, "The danes' are lovely people! Mr. Danes is really great, Butch is the one that gets all worked up when Taylor presses him during the town meetings. Butch is generally pretty nice, kinda quiet but you know.."

Lorelai frowned, "woah woah woah, hold up - butch, who is this 'butch' guy?"

"don't tell me you haven't met butch," sookie looked confused, "apparently he's the one that told Mr. Danes to pick you up in the first place…" she scratched her temple, "that just doesn't figure. How can he have told mr. Danes to pick you up if he wasn't even there? HEY! Maybe he's like, psychotic, psychillic or psychic or whatever it is.. you know, where they can see into the future – cool! He, like, KNEW you were going to be there!"

Lorelai steadied sookie by setting her hand on her shoulder, "do you mean luke?"

The bouncy girl nodded, "well, sure – who else?"

BUTCH! Butch!  People call him butch? 

Lorelai smothered a laugh.

Hey there, butchy boy – flying through the air so fancy free… no wait that doesn't fit.

She coughed, aimlessly trying to cover up her giggles, "why do they call him butch?"

"oh, I don't know – he's a senior so I don't talk to him much at school… He's had that name for ages, he's a total jock at school – plays all the sports really well! I think Rachel gave him the name actually…"

"Rachel? I thought his sisters' name is liz?"

Sookie leaned forward and picked up an apple from the fruit bowl, "ugh liz, she doesn't call him anything much. Except mean things like bone-head. She's a cheerleader -  I don't like her all that much," Sookie took a bite, then spat it out, "huh, what do you know? There are plastic fruits in here!"

Lorelai rolled her eyes, "yeah I gathered that much. Who is rachel?"

"Rachel is luke's girlfriend," Sookie shrugged.

Lukey has  a girlfriend?

Huh.

Why was I not informed??

Not that I … well… I wouldn't…

I only just met him…

Besides – how can I say anything on the matter. I have chris.

Yeah… chris…

Luke has a girlfriend…

Lorelai frowned, "oh…"


	4. Dilemmas and Dubbing Babies

Oregano: HEY!  OREGANO IS STILL ALIVE.  NO WORRIES.  Glad you guys enjoy this…  I am, too.  How about you, Emjai, my dear?

Emjai: always a pleasure working with you, my dear! Hey guys, sorry it took so long – partly my fault, I read it and forgot to post it. Eep. Please don't come after me with torches and pitchforks…. Enjoy!

OUTTA HERE

Chapter 4: Dilemma's and Dubbing babies

Luke wiped his sweaty palms at the side of his pants as he stiffly made his way to class.

_So you… happened to lose the fact that you had a girlfriend… for a few seconds…_

_Minutes…_

_FINE, a whole Goddamn day._

_So what, right?_

A student bumped against his shoulder, making him look up.  It was about the same time that he realized that almost all eyes were on him.

_What?  They can't know **already.**_

"And she said she was pregnant, too!"

"Oh, God."

"Totally."

Whispers flew about the hall in a rage.  Just then Rachel came out of the washroom, and everything went silent.

_Oh, God._

After giving everyone a slightly confused glance, Rachel walked over to Luke and kissed him quickly on the lips.

You could _feel_ the entire student body hold their breath.

"What's going on?" she whispered and furrowed her brows.

_Lie: You'll have a blotch in your relationship forever._

_Tell the truth: You'll have a blotch in your relationship forever._

_Crap._

_She'll find out eventually, with the given shortest grapevine ever to be discovered that Stars Hollow seems to be famous for…_

"Um, I have to talk to you in private."

He led her into an empty classroom and sat her down.  They both heard a thud and turned to the door to see all the kids crowded around the glass, straining to hear.

"Oh, my God," Rachel said, wrinkling her nose.

"Yeah… uh, Rachel?"

"Yes, Luke?"

"I have a…"

Then the bell went shrieking louder than a fire truck on speed.

"I have to go, Luke, I'll see you at lunch.  Tell me then!"  With that, Rachel gathered her books, fluffed her permed hair and ran out the door, leaving Luke with the majority of the senior class watching him.

***

Luke watched the light bounce off the spoon as he twirled it in his hand, deep in thought.

"Hey, Butch," one of his friends called as he walked over to where Luke was sitting, "Is it true that you've got a banged-up broad living in your house?"

"She's not 'banged-up'."

The boy smiled wickedly and raised his eyebrows, "She's not?  She hot?"

"Not, she's fifty-seven years old and wheezing with asthma."

His friend made a face at Luke's description of his guest and backed away.

_Perfect.  I should just do this all day.  Make Lorelai sound like a complete hag and they'll probably leave me alone.  This is genius!_

"Hey, Luke!" Rachel greeted as she plopped down next to him.

"Rachel!"

"So, how've you been?"

_This must be a trick.  Girls always play tricks…_

"Fine." he replied, a little bit too alto.

"So I heard something weird today…"

Luke raised his eyebrows, anticipating the eventual mess that was to come.

"Really?  What was that?"

"That-"

His girlfriend smirked at him and put a scoop of pudding into her mouth, making Luke squirm even more.

"FINE!  I HAVE A PREGNANT SIXTEEN YEAR-OLD LIVING WITH ME IN MY HOUSE!"

Rachel jumped as Luke yelled it right into her face.  Several kids turned to look at him as he turned all red.

"That's what ya heard, Rachel?  Well, it's true!"

"Actually, I heard that Mr. Forcanio was getting fired." Rachel said slowly, "But this sounds so much more interesting…"

Luke deflated as Rachel rested her chin on her hand quite coyly, ready to listen.

_Please, kill me now.  Anybody?_

_Really.  Any amount of money for me to be shot in the face._

_Right now._

_***_

Luke trudged into his house, tired and in a damn foul mood.  He dropped his bag by the door and sighed.

"Luke-a-ma-bob!"

His head shot up at Lorelai's voice.  She was leaning over the couch, wearing what seemed to be his old PE t-shirt that has grown too small for him.

"Lorelai?  You're supposed to be at Sookie's."

"Well, I was, but then she tried making me a chicken-loaf with hollandaise sauce and glazed spinach because it was a new recipe she got from her friend, and things got out of hand, burners burned a bit too much, knives were involved, and it was just a big fat party for pain and…"

_Figures._

"Lorelai, skip to the part where you tell me why you're standing here in my clothes, please." 

Lorelai frowned at him slightly for cutting her off, but Luke didn't really care.  He sighed and walked towards his room with Lorelai talking behind him.

"Well, she kind of hit a chair, and then the knife slipped from her hand.  She tried to catch it, but then realized, hey, _it's a knife!_  So she jumped back, smacked her elbow on the stove, and then she whipped around and splashed oil all over my shirt."

"So she just accidentally poured oil on you."

Lorelai raised her eyes in a thoughtful gesture, "In a nutshell, pretty much," she said softly.

Luke nodded and took his jacket off, "So, is Sookie okay?"

"Yeah, her mom took her to the hospital.  I walked here."

"You walked?!"

"Dude, how small is this town?"

"Point taken."

Luke reached into his closet and pulled out a blue flannel shirt and shrugged it on.  Grabbing his cap from his dresser, he proceeded to walk towards the door, still with Lorelai at his heels.

"So, where you headed?" she asked innocently.

_Don't do it, Luke.  She'll just be trouble and you know it._

"I'm going to the store to work."

_Danger-danger!_

"Really?"

_Step away from the girl, sir._

_Sir?_

"You want to come?"

_BACKUP!  I need backup!_

***

But it didn't seem to be that bad, having Lorelai around.

_Just damn quiet and awkward and boring.  Where's that big-ass elephant when you want it?!_

William's Hardware was silent as all three of them sat behind a long counter.  Mr. Danes was checking inventory in his logbook, Luke was staring off into space, and Lorelai was left to play with a cup of paint and a stick.

"BELINDA!"  she screamed suddenly, making Mr. Danes rip a hole into his book with his pencil and causing Luke to jolt up and fall off his chair.

_Christ!_

"What?"

"I'm going to name my baby Belinda!  As in Carisle!  Because you know, heaven IS a place on earth, my friends."  Lorelai nodded.

"You're going to name your kid after a singer?" Luke asked doubtfully.

_So glad that I wasn't named Boy.  Or George._

"If you're going to name it after someone, name it after someone special, Lorelai." Mr. Danes said softly.

_Ugh, Dad and his JRR Tolkien likeness…_

Lorelai thought for a moment, tapping the stick against her chin.

Luke rolled his eyes as more and more paint splattered onto her face.  He reached her wrist and pried the stick away.

"You sure it's a girl?" he asked gruffly as he went around the counter to grab a box of tissues.

"Positive.  We're so connected.  Like Rainbow Bright and her pony.  But I'm not Rainbow Bright.  And she's not a pony." Lorelai looked down to her stomach and gently rubbed it.

"Delia." he suggested as he threw the box at her.

"No.  It's like Delia Harsworth.  She's _such a bitch at school…"  Lorelai caught it and set it down, completely ignoring the paint splotch on her face._

"Christie."

"Too common.  I want to be unique.  Just like everyone else," Lorelai stated, making Mr. Danes chuckle at her joke in the end.

"Farrah."

"Ew."

"Sabrina."

"Dude, are you stuck in the past or something?  It's 1985!  Bring it up a few decades, will ya?  I want her name to be special.  And unique.  Like mine: Lorelai."  She spread her hands over an invisible poster in the air as she said her own name.

"Lorelai," Mr. Danes said.

"Yeah?"

"No, Lorelai."

"That's my name, don't wear it out…" she replied, very confused.

"Call her Lorelai."

_Huh._

The three of them sat in silence again, contemplating the suggestion.

"Lorelai… Belinda?"

"Lorelai Leigh," Luke said without thinking.  His eyes were focused on Lorelai's chin which was now completely blue.  He shot down the urge to wipe it off.

_Just wanted it off._

_Not because I'd like to touch her.  No way._

_I'm just… obsessive compulsive._

_That's it._

She smiled at Luke, "I like it."

Luke felt himself redden and quickly looked away.

"So, how's Rachel doing, Luke?" Mr. Danes asked, a slight chuckle tracing his features.

_Huh?_

_Rachel?_

_…_

_DAMMIT!_


	5. Elephant Women and Embarrassments

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TV Shows » Gilmore Girls » **Outta here!** text size: (+) : (-) Author: emjai and oregano 1. Airguitar And Altruistic Danes'2. Bananas And Ballroom Dancing3. Counterfeit fruit and Casualty Cases4. Dilemmas and Dubbing Babies5. Elephant Women and EmbarrassmentsPG-13 - English - Humor/Romance - Reviews: 72 - Publish date: 03-23-03 - Updated: 04-19-03 story id: 1279552 Emjai: Sorry – I sorta had this idea in my head last night so I wrote it down as fast as possible, I'm so quick at this its probably all rushed and dodgy. Well, I'll leave you guys to tell me whether its good or its bad! Feedback is always appreciated! Ha Ha it's your turn again Reggie! You gonna take years again, this time?   
  
Oregano: Hangs head in shame… Probably decades, with the rate I'm going… Emjai, you Porche, you're too fast for me!  Thanks to all the guys who reviewed!  Enjoy!   
  
OUTTA HERE   
  
Chapter 5: Elephant Women and Embarrassments   
  
_You know, I've never noticed it before but…_

_Feet are really ugly!_

Lorelai laid on the sofa with her feet propped up on the armrest.

_I mean, they're the only body part that get all sorts of gross diseases like…_

_Athlete's foot.___

_Or…___

_Yeah, that other thing which is gross.___

She sat up a little to get a better look.

_Surely feet don't have to be so weird looking._

_Who thought up the whole 'Let's have toes!' thing anyhow! We don't use them for anything!_

_It's not like fingers where we can pick things up or write or do other cool stuff, no! Toes just sit there... and look ugly…until some decent person comes along with a bottle of nail polish to make them look pretty!_

_Like mine!_

She wiggled her toes, where her nails -painted bright red- were starting to flake.

She frowned.

_Darn it. _

_I haven't polished them in months._

_Oh well, no time like the present to make my toes purdy. Got to have them looking brand spanking' clean for those stirrups in the delivery room!_

Shuddering at the thought, she heaved herself up and waddled up the stairs to the Danes' bathroom. 

She opened the cabinets and peered inside.

_Somebody should clean in here sometime._

_I would offer, but… I'm lazy._

Picking up several floral-looking bags, Lorelai rummaged through each nook and cranny, until she found the tiny shiny red bottle she was looking for.

_Ahh__! Oooh! Pretty colour! _

She turned it on its side.

"_Vicious Trollop"… cool!_

Grabbing some cotton wool balls, she ran – waddled – bad down the stairs. She sat back down on the couch, fanning herself.

_Gee, I'm getting all unfit. _

_… I should really care about that shouldn't I?_

She twisted the lid off the nail polish, carefully keeping the bottle away from her face so she didn't inhale any. She started to bend down when something stopped her.

The enormous round bump where her flat stomach used to be was in the way, not allowing Lorelai to even reach her ankles with her fingers.

_Surely I'm not THAT fat…am I?_

Armed with a pained  expression – and determination to boot – she tried in vain to reach her toenails, until she gave up – bursting into tears.

_Oh my god! I am so fat I can't even reach my toes… now not only are my feet ugly – but I'm fat!_

_I'm fat because of this baby! I'm fat and homeless because of this baby!_

_And my parents now hate me. _

_More than before.__ And Chris is no help… and I'm all alone…_

_I'm fat, ugly, homeless, parentless and all alone._

Once she had started crying, she couldn't stop. Her emotions took over her and she curled up, thinking of her life, sobbing on the sofa so loudly she didn't notice the front door opening, and Luke walking into the room – clutching his schoolbag.

Luke saw Lorelai crying and froze, obviously having no idea what to do.

He put down his bag, walked over to Lorelai and put his arms around her.

She rested her head on his shoulder and let her tears flow.

"It's okay, shhh…don't cry, Lorelai," he whispered, smoothing her hair.

In between her hiccoughs, Lorelai smiled, "You rhymed."

He smothered a laugh at her comment and continued to rub her back softly, "Yeah, I did."

_Mmmmm__, I could stay like this forever – his arms are really warm…_

_Ugh._

_I'm probably squishing him with my elephant-woman fatness. _

Lorelai swiftly pulled away from Luke and rested her head in her hands, not daring to look at Luke – who hadn't moved and was presently fiddling with his fingers.

_Probably relieved I finally stopped smothering him with my humongous belly._

"Are you alright?" Luke ventured, standing up to crouch in front of her.

_No._ "Yes," Lorelai blurted, "fine, thanks."

_Not that you would care anyhow._

She looked up, finally, to find Luke's blue eyes filled with concern.

"Ah, gee," she sighed, "okay, so maybe I'm not fine."

He nodded, "Do you want to talk about it?"

She looked at the ceiling and tried not to cry again, "I can't paint my toenails."

_Okay, now I sound like a jackass._

She squinted and screwed up her mouth, "I mean, I'm so fat I can't even reach down to my toes to make them look," her voice shook again, she took a deep breath, "pretty."

Luke took Lorelai's hands into his and clasped them together, "Lorelai, look at me."

She pouted, "No."

"Lorelai," he coaxed.

She shook her head, "no."

"Lorelai."

"No."

"Lorelai."

"No."

"Lorelai."

"WHAT!" she cried in exasperation as she snapped her eyes down to look at him.

He shifted a little, "first thing: you are not fat – you are…well, you're… you're beautiful."

_He thinks I'm beautiful?_

They both flushed red, and Luke shifted again before continuing, "Second thing: If you're really that…upset…about the whole toenails thing. I could… I mean – if you want – as long as nobody hears about this…" he then muttered something unintelligible.

"I'm sorry, you could what?"

He stood and turned, frustrated, "Paint them for you!" he paused, looked back at her and sighed, "If you want…"

_Awwww__ cute!!_

Lorelai squealed, "Yay! Thank you Lukey, you're the best!"

She grinned at him and patted the spot next to her.

He sat down and she lifted her legs and put her feet on his lap.

"So, Lukey, have you ever done this before – or will I have to give you a step by step guide to the art of painting Lorelai's nails?"

He blushed again, "Actually… well – Liz used to never be bothered about actually doing things herself, so I used to get roped into doing her nails before she went out."

"Oooh, wow! You must be an artiste at it by now! We should open a beauty parlour or something! It could be… ooh ooh! It could be 'Luke and Lorelai's Beauty Trip!'"

"No." 

"Yeah, you're right. That actually that sounds as if we're doing drugs… ooh! What about 'Luke and Lorelai's House of Beauty!'"

"No."

"Mmm, true – it does sound a bit too upper-class. I wanna be able to give some funky make up advice – or would that be your department?" Luke blushed, "Ooh! Ooh! 'Luke and Lorelai's Beauty Shoppe!' With the cool extra 'p' and 'e' on the end!!!"

"No!!"

_Teeheehee__…_

 "No, no! THIS bit!"

The two were still sitting on the couch, with Lorelai fidgeting and mucking about with the record player.

"Lorelai, you've made me listen to this 'bit' ten times, can you please sit still!?"

"No! Not until you fully appreciate this moment"

"Fine! I appreciate it, now let go of the needle!"

"Hey, buster you take care of the last three toes – I'll take care of the music."

"I don't know whether I trust you with that"

"I don't know whether I trust me with this either, but we'll both have to learn to deal."

"Sadist!"

"Beauty queen!"

"Sorry – am I interrupting something?"

Both heads swiveled to the doorway where Lorelai saw a pretty girl with curly hair and a red backpack.

_Ahh__..__ This must be –_

"Rachel!" Luke jumped up off the couch, knocking Lorelai's feet to the floor.

She frowned, "Hey, don't you see the sign?  WET PAINT!"

Luke pulled a face and checked the carpet for nail polish, "So, uh, Rachel, what are you doing here?"

Rachel raised an eyebrow, "What, I'm not allowed to come and visit my boyfriend after netball practice?"

_Netball?__ Pfft. Netball is for sissies. _

_      - Lorelai, you used to play netball. _

_Shut up, brain._

_-__Don't shoot the messenger! I was just pointing it out._

_Roger that, BANG BANG BANG BANG!_

_-__…_

_MUCH better.___

Rachel put her arms around Luke and moved in for a kiss. Luke pecked her on the cheek and took a step back, "Uh, Rachel. This is…" he coughed,  "This is Lorelai. She's staying with us for a while." He turned to Lorelai, "Uh, this is Rachel. My… uh, my…"

Rachel's eyes narrowed at him, "Girlfriend. Girlfriend," she walked up to Lorelai, her hand outstretched, "I'm Luke's girlfriend."

Lorelai looked at Luke's face.

_Beet red.__ Either he's embarrassed because he got caught with me painting my nails, or he's embarrassed because he got caught with me in general._

_Boy, do I feel special._

She took Rachel's hand and smirked, "Pleasure, I'm sure."

_Yes siree, pleasure. About as much pleasure as having my foot put through a blender._

Rachel sat down, "So, Luke's told me so much about you!"

"Really?" Lorelai looked at Luke pointedly, "He hasn't mentioned a thing about you…"

_en__ guarde!_

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	6. Finally, Some Friggin' Fun

emjai - mmmm wha? hmm? sorry - fell asleep waiting for reggie to post. sigh. but what an excellent post it is!!! yay posting! i'm sure mine'll be up sometime next week.. my show has finished (boohoo) and i've got lots more free time... except for those darned exams : S oh well! ENJOY! 

oregano: I am so sorry.  I should be shot.  :/  But it gets interesting, people… I hope you enjoy this.  And also, I _am aware that I'm not that funny.  Emjai's a totally different thing, however.  She's hilarious.  Reviews are for constructive criticism, ladies (and gentlemen).  Let's be nice.  If you don't like something, be tactful, at least.  I'll respect you more._

CHAPTER 6: Finally, Some Friggin' Fun…

_Oh, God.  Why must this happen now?  Maybe I can pass out and blame it on the polish-y fumes.  Once they're gone, I can make a run for it._

_Okay._

_Three, two—_

"Luke?"

_Ah, crap._

Rachel bit back a laugh at her boyfriend's unease.  He looked like he was going to throw up.  "Are you okay?  You look… ill."

"I'm fine, Rachel.  Thanks."

"So, Lorelai, what's your story?  You look so intriguing with your, erm…" she trailed off.

Lorelai smirked, "Oh, same old story; honor student, got pregnant, ran away… the usual stuff."

A silence fell upon all three of them since nobody could really say anything to that.

_Do something, Luke!  Anything!_

_…_

_Still waiting…_

_RIP YOUR CLOTHES OFF IF YOU HAVE TO!  JUST STOP THIS AWKWARDNESS FROM MUTATING INTO HOSTILITY!_

Luke jumped up from the couch as if lightning just struck him in the ass.  "Who wants lemonade?!"

"Hey, Lukey, can I eat the last of the ice cream?" Lorelai pleaded as he made his way to the kitchen.

"Huh?  Uh, yeah sure."

Rachel tucked her hair behind her ears and spoke as well, "Do you have any food there, _Lukey_?  Because, _Lukey, I missed lunch today."_

_Dammit__, Lorelai!_

"Uh, yeah, I can scrounge up a burger for you, if you want."

"Oh, I'll have a burger, too!" Lorelai interjected.

"You won't like it, Lorelai, it's not from a slaughtered animal that goes, 'Moo.'" Luke yelled as he opened the freezer door and pulled out a pack of veggie burgers.  He said it without so much as a thought to how Rachel would react to him knowing a complete stranger's diet plan.

Of course, that was a big mistake.

"How do you know what I don't like?!" Lorelai yelled back from the den.

"Yeah, Luke how _do_ you know?" Rachel asked right after.

_Crap-ASS.  Shouldn't have spoken.  At all.  Maybe I can chop my tongue off with this potato peeler._

_While I'm at it, jump into a pool of liquid nitrogen and drop myself off a cliff._

"Lorelai's a carnivore.  The only green thing that I've seen her eat is a gummi bear.  Even then, she spit it out."

Luke closed his eyes and smacked his forehead against the cupboard.

_Why do I always manage to dig myself holes that go as far as __China__?  WHY?_

"Oh, really."

Luke came out of the kitchen carrying Lorelai's ice cream.  "Hang on; I'll fix your burger in a second."

"Spank you, Luke," Lorelai said sweetly.

_Oh, God._

_RachelRachelRachelRachelRachelRachel__…_

"OW!" Lorelai screamed suddenly, clutching her stomach.  Both Luke and Rachel turned to look at her.  Lorelai was hunched over, panting.

"Lorelai?" Luke asked cautiously.  He slowly made his way towards her.

When Lorelai looked up at him, there were tears streaming down her face.  She closed her eyes as another jolt of pain went through her.

Suddenly, it dawned on Luke what exactly was happening.

_Oh, my God.  No.  Not now._

"Luke…" Lorelai whispered, her face filled with tears.

It only took a second before Luke put his arms under her and picked her up with ease.

"Um, Rachel, I gotta take Lorelai to the hospital.  I'll call you later, okay?" he said frantically searching for the car keys.

Rachel merely nodded, shaking.

"Luke, please…" Lorelai said, clawing her nails into Luke's shoulders.

"It's going to be okay, Lorelai.  Just take deep breaths and hold on to me.  It'll all be okay, alright?  You have to be brave for this."

Lorelai nodded silently and bit her lip.

He gently placed her into the truck and ran to the driver's side.  Without even a backwards glance at Rachel, who was standing limply with her arms at her sides, he took off for the emergency room.


	7. Groovy Gilmore’s and Grave possibilities

A/N: Emjai – jeez I gotta take a break before all you guys get to read my chapters… I always am just itching to get in there and write!!! I guess that's why this is so rushed – so sorry I cant match up to reggie.. she takes MONTHS (no really…) to prefect her craft. Oh well – I hope you guys enjoy this… I really do. BYE

Oregano – I hear you loud and clear, Emjai.  I know I'm slow.  L  I'll try to be faster this time.  I love this chapter.  To bits.  I really do.

_Chapter 7:  Groovy Gilmore's and Grave possibilities_

_DIIIIIIIIIIIE! YOU STUPID BASTARD!!! DIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!_

Lorelai panted for breath as she took a deep breath and pressed hard…

On the remote control.

_Damn it, I am so sick of _Miami Vice_! Can anyone say, "passé"? _

_I can!_

_Passé passé passé passé passé !_

_So there._

_Humph…_

Gee this is boring… 

"Lukey!!!!!!!" she bellowed at the top of her lungs.

Luke barreled into the room; tray filled with ice cream in his hand and was quickly at her side – clasping her hand to his heart, "What's wrong, Lorelai – is everything okay?"

"Luke, stop fussing! The doctor said I was ages away from labor! Don't stress so much, the baby is safe – the person in white said so… and they must be correct!"

"Lorelai, butchers wear white…"

"Hmm good point. But really… look at me! I'm healthy," she took a huge spoonful of chocolate fudge ice cream and shoveled it into her mouth. "See? I'm fi-IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!"

The spoon fell from her mouth as she doubled over with the pain.

God damn it, TV movies lie! They show cuteness and sweetness and 'Oh, what a beautiful baby girl you have Ms Gilmore' not the 'AAAAAAAAAAAA…

"AAREGH-HUMONGOUS-PAIN-YOU-RAT-ASS!!!!" she screamed as she pulled Luke so close his face became a blur, "Hunh. Cool…YAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH LUKE I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!"

He jumped away from her, called the nurse, and proceeded to pat a damp cloth on her forehead, gently soothing her, "Lorelai, it's ok... it'll be alright... don't worry…"

"YOU BASTARD! YOU'RE GOING TO DIE! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!"

"Lorelai, I'm not that baby's father..."  
"DON'T ARGUE!!"

Whyyyyyyyy…. Whyyyyyyyy! The pain! Oh Jesus Christ on a pogo stick! (Hey cool mental picture) ARGH I SWEAR I'M NEVER TOUCHING ANOTHER HUMAN BEING AGAIN! THIS CHILD WILL PAY! THEY WILL BE FORCED TO…

What on earth…

"Mom? Dad! What are you doing he-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEERGH!!!!"

Richard stood in the corner regarding Luke in a suspicious fashion, whereas Emily darted to Lorelai's side as she recovered from the contraction, "Oh Lorelai, you don't know what you've put us through…"

"I'VE put YOU through!?!!!"

"…You just ran off and left without a word. Do you have no consideration of others feelings…"

"Do I have CONSIDERATION?!!!!"

"…We were so worried!"

"YOU were WORRIED!? … Wait a minute…_you_ were worried?"

"Oh Lorelai –" moved to tears by the pain in her daughters form, Emily sobbed.

My mother… worried about me? No….

Wow did I just have a whack out movie warp session here?

_And… my dad's here… how did they? where did the-_

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERGH!!!!!"

Luke frowned and turned toward the nurse, "Ok, I know I'm no Stephen Hawkins but that was a hell of a lot closer than the last time…"

The nurse nodded, "Yes, it would seem the baby is coming – stand aside, I'm calling the doctor."

The nurse took Luke by the arm and pulled him away from the screaming girl,

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! LUKE…Luke?" she found his hand had gone from hers and she frantically sat up, "Luke?"

Luke sat back down in the chair and smoothed her forehead, brushing the newly formed tears from her cheeks as he grasped her hand in his once again.

"I'm here, Lorelai. I'll always be here."

She smiled through her tears, "Oh Luke, I…. OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!"

 -------------------------------------------

_…Ok, what the?_

Lorelai's eyelids fluttered slightly, but remained closed. She lay in the hospital bed, her blankets pulled tight up around her.

I don't remember pulling on my blankets… 

A soft gruff voice filled her ear, "You dream maker, you heart breaker, wherever you're going... I'm going... your way..." she opened her eyes to see a blurry Luke jump.

Yowza... inbuilt spring – I got to get me one of those.

She smiled deviously, "I didn't see you as the serenading type… quick, get me my tiara so we can do this properly!"

He blushed, "Shut up. My mom used to sing that to Liz and I when were sick…"

"That's so sweet…"she cooed, then fell silent.

She drummed her fingers on the armrests of the bed and bit her lip; "maybe Liz'll sing it to her little baby…"

She felt Luke's' hand tense inside her own.

_Ooookay__ there, Charlie. Wrong button to press- mayday! Mayday!_

"Sorry, Luke – I shouldn't have mentioned Liz…"

He shook his head and sat still for a moment, then turned and squinted at her, "How did you know Liz had a baby? We hadn't told anybody? As far as anybody else knows she's 'staying with a cousin…'"

She blushed and looked away, scratching the back of her neck, "I may have heard William on the phone to her…once…maybe…kinda…sort of... while I was hiding behind the couch…"

He smiled slowly, "The baby's name is Jess. Or so I'm told – I haven't spoken to her in months."

"Why?" she asked, slowly sitting up.

His features hardened and he leaned forward to cradle his forehead in his hands, "It's just so like her to run off," he grunted in frustration, "we would have taken care of her! I would have taken care of her!"

"Oh…so I'm kinda like… the Liz substitute around here…" she mumbled.

Kinda just a replacement sister, huh, Luke? 

Ok that does sound kind of harsh this is a family saga here…

She attempted a weak laugh to cover her tracks. 

Luke was staring at her with a strange expression, "No, you're nothing like Liz. And you're not my sister…" he blushed again as he beamed at her.

Aw, he's so cute! 

Wait a minute… there's a reason I'm in here. There's a reason Luke's here… there's a reason my nu-nu is in pain right now!!!!

She bolted upright, "where's Rory, is she ok? What's going on? Where have they taken my baby? Where has she gone?"

"It's ok, Lorelai – you passed out after she was taken away, but she's over there…" he gestured to the small transparent bassinette in the corner of the room.

The nurse brought Rory over to her mother where she was cradled gently. 

Oh my God…

Lorelai looked down at the small face in front of her.

…She's so beautiful.

Soft tears ran down her face and she smiled at Luke, who was gazing at the small child.

"Oh, Luke… isn't she… she's just…. Groovy…"

He moved closer until he was sitting next to Lorelai on the bed, "Yeah, she sure is something." 

He turned to look at Lorelai,  "Just like her mother…"

Is he… does he…?

Oh what the hey, I can always blame it on the hormones…

She tilted her head slightly and gave him a short soft kiss,

Mmmmmmm

Yummy

"Thank you…"

Luke gaped at her and she giggled. 

She turned to see William shuffle into the room, grin…and put down the blankets he was carrying.

"Lorelai, she's a beauty…just look at those eyes!"

She smiled at him,

"Thanks, Billy! She's got the good genes, obviously!"

William chuckled and he shook his left arm, a frown crossed his face as he sucked in a sharp breath.

Luke raised an eyebrow at his father, "Dad, have you been eating Sookie's chili beef soup?"

His father rubbed his chest and grinned, "Something like that…"

Lorelai's eyes brightened, "Chili beef soup? Wow! Can I have some?"

Luke scowled at her, "And I hoped to god you ate that because of the cravings…"

"Aha! Not so lucky, buster!"

"Hey, at least my arteries aren't clogged with cholesterol!"

"Well, even if they are it gives me something to use for ammunition if ever I'm playing bagel hockey!"

"And what on earth is that supposed to mean?"

"I dunno, it sounded good at the time!"

"Chuh, you are so pathetic!" 

"Am not!"

"Am too!"

"Am not!"

"Am not!"

"Am too… DAMMIT!"

"See, you're just like a child!"

"Hey you can't say that – I have a child!"

"Yeah, one you aren't willing to share. Can I hold her?"

"No."

"What?"

"Mr. Danes… you want to hold Rory?" she grinned triumphantly as they both turned to William. 

They saw find William standing motionless in the doorway with his back to them.

"Dad?"

They saw his arm clutch the doorframe.

They saw him lurch forward.

They saw him collapse to the ground…

"DAD!!"


	8. Horrible Heart Hindrances

Oregano – How long did this take?  Not so bad, eh?  Oh, God.  This thing took me a few weeks, and I'm thinking that this isn't so bad.  I am a terrible updater, I know.  (sigh)  Now if I could just update my other story, all would be well in the world.  This chapter's a bit dramatic, but really, how can you be funny when a nice guy like Mr. Danes has a heart attack?  Emjai?  Anything to say?

Emjai – ..and that my friend is a seamless link! hey guys! Sorry you guys are having to go through the pain we've put you through – I've had several emails about how William shouldn't have had a heart attack and 'he's gonna survive, right?' … well, time will tell… oregano has done a loooovely chapter here – so everybody give big smiles to oregano in you reviews. She's written the whole thing so well :D and quickly too – aren't we proud of our little reggie?

Chapter 8: Horrible Heart Hindrances 

"SOMEONE GET A FREAKING DOCTOR HERE!" Luke screamed into the hall as he knelt beside his father.

_Dad, don't do this now, please._

_Mom's gone, and Liz.  We're supposed to be partners, remember?_

"Sir, step away from him, please," a nurse said gently, "we're going to take care of him right now."

Luke nodded quietly and stepped back, "Okay."

As soon as the medical staff put Mr. Danes on the gurney, they rushed off towards the elevators, leaving the boy frozen to the spot.  He was torn between Lorelai and his father.  

Life and death.

_No, he's not going to die.  He can't.  He's the fittest man I know.  He can bench press a cow.  Well, not really, but I'm sure he can given the proper equipment and—_

"Luke," he heard Lorelai call out.  He turned to face her.  "What the hell are you waiting for?  GO!"

With a slight nod, he ran out of the room and into the hallway.

***

The next two hours were the worst two hours of Luke Danes's life.  He sat on the benches, his head in his hands, thinking of what was possibly happening right now.

_ I never thought that he was having heart problems.  How could he not tell me he was having a hard time?  All those extra hours at the hardware store, when he could have been resting…_

"Mr. Danes?" an authoritative voice asked.

_Oh, God._

Luke's head shot up, "Yeah, that's me.  Is he alright?"

_Please, please, please…_

"He's okay, but not great," the doctor sighed, as if for dramatic purposes.

_SPIT IT OUT, GODDAMMIT!_

"He's in a coma right now."

_In a coma?__  But that's…_

"Wh-when will he wake up?"

The doctor looked at his charts and adjusted his glasses, "We don't know.  But he's stable, which is good.  Has he been any sort of stress lately?"

Luke frowned.

_Where should I start?  His daughter just ran away, pregnant, it seems; he and his son just found another pregnant girl at the side of the highway, where she proceeded to give birth just a few hours ago; he has a stupid son who can't even tell that he was having trouble…_

"Yes."

***

Luke wrung his cap in his hands nervously as he entered the bright white room where they kept his father.  Long plastic tubes were coming out of places where they weren't supposed to be, and a small and constant beeping was the only thing to be heard.

"Dad…"

He ran a trembling hand over his forehead, not knowing what to do.  He felt helpless as his father continued to sleep, to breathe through a tube, a slight scowl tracing his features.

And for the first time in Luke's life, he suddenly felt a huge void inside him.  An emptiness that he had never experienced, brought about by the last few hours.

"What do I do now?" he asked softly.

***

Luke walked slowly from the elevators to Lorelai's room, hopeless and devoid of any emotion.

As he came into Lorelai's view, she smiled uncertainly and sat up.

"Is he okay?"

Luke didn't answer, but instead stared straight into Lorelai's eyes, as if asking for permission.

With a hint of understanding, she moved and turned to her side, making space for the young man.

He climbed up on the bed next to her, silently and whispered, "Thank you."

Lorelai just nodded and held him in a strong embrace as Luke quietly took to himself, disappearing into his own sad world.

Without even thinking, she kissed him on the forehead.

And everything went silent.


	9. Incident Near The Incubators

Chapter 9: Incident near the incubators 

_This isn't right._

Lorelai sat in a waiting room chair, her hand entwined in Luke's, both of them waiting.

_Waiting for a doctor.___

_Waiting for a nurse_

Waiting for absolution… 

…_Anything…_

_This just isn't right._

_It isn't fair!_

She turned and watched the nearly grown man next to her; his eyes squeezed shut and his lips moving to silent words.

What is he going to do? 

…What am I going to do?

He reached up with his free hand and hastily wiped the stray tears streaming down his cheeks away.

_I can't leave him._

_Not like this…_

She turned closer to him and pulled her arms around him, holding him close hoping that whatever comfort she could offer would be enough to give him the slightest reassurance that he wasn't alone.

She ran her fingers through his hair and kissed his cheek.

"It'll be okay, Luke, really..." She whispered into his ear.

She felt him shudder and sigh, "Y-you can't say that Lorelai," he pulled back from her and held her gaze. "Although I know you're only trying to help me, you can't say that – you have no idea what going to happen. You have no idea how much this could change our lives…well, _my_ life." 

He turned away from her and cradled his head in his hands a moment before standing, "I'm going to see what the latest is."

_Okay he doesn't want me here._

_He doesn't want me here_

_He doesn't want me here…. I will NOT cry. I can control my hormones now, surely!_

_Na uh.__ No crying. Not me, no siree bob._

She forced a wobbly smile, "…okay."

His eyes bored into her with an unintelligible emotion, before he turned and headed down the hall towards his fathers room.

Lorelai slumped back into her bed.

_Man this is so __Dallas__ it's killing me. _

_Although really, I don't give a damn who shot JR, all I want is for things to go back the way they were._

_Well, except for Rory. _

Her lips curved even at the thought of her daughter.

My beautiful baby girl... she's so pretty… and I bet she's smart too! Even Mr Danes thought…

Mr Danes.

Her bottom lip quivered as the tears pricked the back of her eyes.

HEY! TEAR DUCTS! WHAT HAVE I SAID? No crying. 

Geeeeeeee…

She sighed as she stood up and began marching towards the hospital nursery.

I still don't understand why I can't take Rory for myself yet. 

All I get to do at the moment is stand in front a fat pane of glass and press my nose up to it trying to see Rory clearly…

_Maybe I can signal to one of the nurses that the baby is mine…_

_Although last time I tried that they didn't believe I was its real mother._

_I mean, hello! I'm not usually this fat for no reason!_

_Seriously, people why can't I just ta-…_

She froze in her tracks as she saw a familiar figure pressing his nose up to the glass and squinting.

Oh god.

Oh jeeps.

_Oh whatever is up there can somebody puh-leeeease morph me away into another time zone, universe, hell I'll take even the next room! Just please don't let this be real…_

She couldn't move. 

She stared open-mouthed at the young man now softly singing through the glass,

"_Love's strange so real in the dark  
Think of the tender things that we were working on_

_Slow change may pull us apart  
when the light gets into your heart, baby_

_Don't You Forget About Me  
Don't… Don't… Don't… _Don't…"

She noticed a tiny tear drip from his cheek,

Oh my god he's crying… 

"Chris."

The young man spun around, eyes widening at the sound of her voice before breaking out into a beaming smile,

"LOR!"

He ran to her and grabbed her, but she stiffened in his grasp. 

Why does this suddenly feel so awkward? 

He suddenly realised her body was tense and moved backwards, still holding her hands in his, he spoke rapidly.

"Lor, how are you? How was the delivery? Where are your parents? Where have you been? When are you coming home? Do you have an answer for me yet?" 

He was beginning to ramble.

"CHRIS! Stop."

He froze and gazed at her, "I've missed you so much, Lor."

"Yeah, me too. What are you doing here?"

He looked at her quizzically, anxious at her demanding tone, "I came to see you. And my daughter…is that a problem?"

Yes.

"Why didn't you come and see us before?"

His cheeks reddened and he looked down at his shoes, scuffing the soles on the white linoleum, "I…well… my dad… thought… I didn't know where you were?"

Her eyes narrowed, "You could have looked for crying out loud. I was only a town away!"

She could practically see his defence mask protecting his face, "How was I supposed to know that? I ask you to marry me and you suddenly have this huge freak out and pack your bags and leave!"

"Chris, you know me better than to think I would want all that crap!"

"Oh really! And what, pray tell, is so wrong with marrying _me!" _He was towering over her now, his face inches from hers. She could see the anger, the shame and the guilt written all to clearly across his face, before it softened and his lips came crashing down on hers.

What? No no no no no no no no no no not this, not now! 

She used all her strength pushing him off her before taking a couple of steps back…

"Chris, I… we… can't do this."

His face was clouded in confusion; he shook his head slightly, "Why? Why can't we make it work?"

She closed her eyes,

Because I don't want to… 

"Because we just can't."

"Why won't you marry me?" he paused.  Suddenly his eyebrows shot up, making Lorelai panic a bit, "Is it another guy?"

Is there? Is there, Lorelai? 

… Don't lie to yourself, Bub.

"No…there wasn't then."

A moment of silence passed, both regarding each other, gauging reactions.

Christopher's cheeks reddened again, his eyes narrowed and a fury Lorelai had never seen suddenly crossed his face,

"WHAT?!"

Taking a deep breath, Lorelai steadied herself, ready for the onslaught, "His name is Luke."

"WHAT?!" He began pacing, "God I don't _believe _this! First you get pregnant, second you refuse me as a husband, third you run away from everything you've ever known and lastly, oh and this is the killer, you fall for some hillbilly hick who probably has buck teeth, carries a banjo with him everywhere and probably lost both his parents in a horrific pie contest accident!"

He was so caught up in his rant he didn't see Lorelai's fist coming.

He lay on the floor, blood dripping slowly from his nose, looking up at Lorelai who was shaking with rage, "How…dare…you. Do you know what I've been through? Do you have any idea? No. So don't judge me, or Luke, you have absolutely no idea what you're talking about."

She turned and began walking away before hearing a plea cry out from behind her.

"Wait!" he stood up and have an exasperated sigh, "Please, Lor…I'm sorry – I didn't mean … I didn't think…Lor, I'm sorry."

He held out his arms and she went to him, she sighed into his shoulder, "Can we scratch this up to hormones?"

He laughed, "I thought the father didn't get to use that excuse?"

"Well, we can use it just once."

He smoothed her hair and breathed in the scent of her, "You forgive me right?"

"Of course you big dumbass."

"Hey I thought jerk-off would be the most I'd get."

"Nup, definitely dumbass worthy. Hell, maybe I'll spin you a jackass too."

"I am sorry. For everything."

She sighed, "I know…"

"I want to be there for the baby."

"Rory would love that."

"Rory… I like it."

"You better, cos I'm not changing it."

He laughed once more, holding her tighter…

Once a bad boy, always a bad boy… 

…But … I don't think a bad father…he'll be supportive.

She smiled into his shoulder,

I can do this… 

I can do this on my own.

Meanwhile in another room in the hospital, a dark haired girl entered Williams' room. She wore grey sweatpants with a tight black t-shirt, her hair scraped back into a single braid. Her bottle green eyes filled with emotion as she looked at the man lying in the bed.

She picked up a small boy who lingered at her feet and held him in her arms.

She pointed at William and smiled softly at the boy.

"Look Jessie," she whispered, "There's Grandpa…"


	10. Jessie junksale!

Emjai:

_well, to spark a tradition of mine - and i think a first for oregano? - we have decided to let this story float into the breeze..._

Oregano:

(checking out her nice flowy white dress for the special occasion) Kickass duds, Emjai.

Emjai:

_really? i thought the feathers and sequins were too much.._

Oregano:

Oh, no, dear.  This is just my style.  OW!  Man, this story's turning out to be a handful.  It just bit me.

Emjai:

_(pushes 'outta here!'  back into its cage) bad fic! BAD FIC! jeez you can never find complacent stories nowadays_

Oregano:

I know.  And speaking of "Bad Fic"... (looks at Emjai and starts whistling)

Emjai:

_(hangs head in shame) i know i know. its definately not our best. for one thing there is no jess... for the other thing... well its turned out to be ... a bit less... ah hell i'll just say - 'good'._

Oregano:

Yeah, no Jess.  And the only Jess we had was a wee little boy-- too little to rape.

Emjai:

_yes i concur-  that would  not only be gross but illegal. _

_sigh... anyhow - we've been talking, reggie and I, about what we're going to do with this fic. for the moment we're hoping someone will adopt it...(looks pleadingly at readers)_

Oregano:

Someone?  Anyone with a good heart?

If not... (lips tremble) if not... we'll just have to let it go, just like our issues with this "Jess Spin-Off Getting Out Hopes Up And Then Smashing Them To Bits Later On" thing.

Emjai: 

_oh, i know!!!!  Okay people, think of it this way: you've all seen - in your heads - little 'jessie' at the end of the last chapter. Think of HIM as 'outta here!' personified. we're going to put little jessie in a bright red crate with a sign on it saying 'take me and help me grow into a big boy with a bad attitude'... and hopefully somebody will. If not...we're going to put him on a bus to cali._

Oregano:

Oh, yes.  The question appears:  Do you want to be Rory and take care of him?  Or.. Liz, who we all visualise as a careless mother with a perpetual syringe stuck in her arm (admit it, you think about her that way, too).

Emjai:

_(nods) yes. do what you think is right, kids. we're letting this one go ...setting it free... to run with this wild things... to eat rattitui... to watch friends re-runs...ew, did i just say that?_

Oregano:

Well, maybe not "Friends" re-runs.  Let's be a bit more elegant.  "Growing Pains".

Anyhow, people, so if any of you think that this thing has to be kept on life support, email us.  If nobody does, it's the Retro Channel for this baby.

Emjai:

_(shudders) oh the thought...ick. so we'll see you all again sometime soon - no doubt with our own fics (check out nobody said by oregano, its kickass!) and i've got one on the stove as we speak. We'll be off now, so email us at oregano_and_emjai@hotmail.com if you wanna take our baby! Au Revoire!_

Oregano :

Sayonara!__


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